Mom Quotes

All those things that come out of my mouth that I would never have imagined I would need to say out loud… Mostly involving not eating something that’s clearly not food.



Olin… Fruit snacks and chocolate milk should only be combined after they’re in your belly.


You know you are hardcore adulting when: your major victory for the week is getting 48 rolls of Cottonelle toilet paper and a 60 oz box of Cascade delivered to your door for $17.59.


Get out the ‘frigerator
Get out my dear
Get out the ‘frigerator
You don’t belong in here
Well, I know you’re hungry but it won’t be long
Just stand right here and sing this song
Get out, get out, get out, get out the ‘frigerator

The most unexpected things turn into impromptu musical numbers in this house… ^.^


“Don’t suck on the bomb!”


Olin: When will Gabriel ‘night me?
Me: When he becomes the Queen of England.
AJ: It’s “invite”, Olin.
Olin: Yeah, when will the Queen of England invite me?
Me: Maybe if you grow up and buy a shrimp boat, Olin.

On Saturday mornings, I only speak in pop culture references. -.-


“Seraphine Jeanette, come back here, or I’m going to /brush your hair/…” Real threats.


AJ: When will we be there?
Me: We’ll be there when we get there, and not before.
AJ; /After/, we will.
Me: Yes, after we get there, we will definitely be there.
AJ: Okay. I have to pee.


“Having your lunch heated up is not a valid reason for crying.”


A couple from this week:
“Olin, stop eating garbage off the floor. Your supper is on the table.”
“That is a chainsaw, Evie, not an ice skate.”


And this afternoon:

I was at the park with the kids today when the guy pushing his toddler on the swing next to us suddenly grabbed his chin and exclaimed, “I just got kicked in the face!”
“Yep.” I said, then added very seriously, “Welcome to parenthood.”


“Do not microwave your Power Ranger.”


“AJ, do not paint on the walls with pineapple juice.”


“Stop petting your hot dog and eat it!”


“Seraphine, don’t chew on the ninja!”


“Stop licking the machete!” (Not said to a child, thank goodness, but I’m still trying to figure out why the cat liked it so much.)


“Seraphine, eat your chicken. Don’t scrub your shoe with it.” Also, “Seraphine, don’t poke your french fry between your toes.” Creative toddler eating, I guess.


“Jesus did not spill the maple syrup.”


Olin is on a roll, today… Thought he went outside. Nope. He’s in the kitchen, mixing “‘gredients to make something good”. Olive oil, cheese, a strawberry and some Comet. Yummy! At least it was IN the cup, I guess.
Also on the list of things I never thought I’d have to say: “Olin! Don’t wipe your face on your cheese. Good grief!”

“Potty seats are not for eating.”
“Evie, get your chips out of your diaper.”
“AJ, don’t drive on the cheese.”
“Please stop eating your sister!”

“Olin, stop eating that book! You had supper, already!”

The statement that started the list:

“Olin, do NOT blow your nose on your bread.”

August 21, 2014Molly

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