I have always found the “may-you-walk-across-a-room-full-of-Legos” memes and posts funny. I’ve stepped on die-cast metal miniature airplane tailfins, real (huge)centipedes that stung and shocked(me) when revealed, gooey plastic sticky lizards, live bees(maybe hornets, something that stung like a mother), actual enormous worms that somehow escaped from bait stores in my refrigerator, cat vomit, child vomit, amniotic fluid, unspecified laundry, every and any form of toy… But then my kids actually acquired “real” Legos. (Thanks, Aunt Suzi). And I realize that while every other ‘unexpectedly-stepped-on-in-the-darkness’ meme and experience has its legitimacy, the steppping-on-a-Lego phenomenon has a base in reality. Legos may be in your future or on your past, but they are certainly on your floor if you’re interested in this blog.

I have spent time assembling them. I actually really enjoy Legos and Duplos when I can decide what and how something gets built. When I have to defer to the personality and ideas of a person who has previously required me to defer time, calories, patience and architectural structure to their ideals, I am significantly less interested in their ideas.

And when their ideas don’t work, I am significantly less likely to “patiently correct and re-educate”. I like to say, “Well, then, give your <sister/brother> something else to play with, and try again”. A big, internal part of me says (“F(orget) you all, make a big city with all of your toys and then storm it together! Stop fighting about one stupid thing.” But, knowing what I do about me and my sister, that will never happen. Well… It might, but only for very specific, limited pockets of unity against a specific force(Mom).

I have just figured out world policy. Please require all leaders to run the households of small children for (minimum) six months with no help from actual mothers and ALL help from mothers-in-law. They will learn sleep deprivati0n, diplomacy, and the difference between being a spokesperson and being a provider.

They will also, if they’re careful, learn to feel before they take a step: no matter if it’s from here to one-step-closer-to-the-bathroom, or here to <Russia, Iraq, North Korea, Afghanistan, Egypt, Israel>….

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