I Was Lacking Before

This is one of the… not weirder, but more seemingly significant dreams that I’ve had in awhile.

This afternoon at about 2:30, Tim gave me the opportunity to go take a nap. I locked the door to our room (because if I didn’t, “shut the door and go downstairs” would be repeated every 2 to 7 minutes to one child or another until I gave up on the nap) and fell rather quickly asleep.

In the dream, I was in the upstairs of my mom’s house in Monona, which was strikingly clean. I was setting up a bedroom for Tim and I in my old room, and prepared to lie down for a nap, there. I locked the door so the boys would leave me alone, and went to sleep.

In that dream, my father knocked on the door. (For anyone who may not know, my father passed away somewhat suddenly not-quite-two-years ago.) I got up and opened it, and he scooped me up in to his arms in a big, wonderful hug. He was two feet taller than he had been in real life, with big, strong shoulders and muscular arms.

“You look different,” I said

“This is how I was meant to be. I was lacking, before.” he told me.

Then, it was time for him to go. He set me down and walked through the blank wall in the hall that leads to my sister’s room!

“No, wait!” I cried, and reached through the wall. From behind the wall, I felt his big, strong, warm hand grasp mine and pull me in for one last big hug. And then he was gone.

I thought, in the dream, how wonderful this encounter was and how I wanted to wake up and tell Tim about it. So, I laid back down in the bed and tried to wake up. Except, I couldn’t wake up. I kept trying to throw the covers off in my dream, but my arms and legs were trapped – I’d get so far, but not be able to swim all the way to awake. I knew I had to get up and unlock the door, or Tim wouldn’t be able to /wake/ me up, in case I couldn’t do it myself.

At one point, I tried calling out, “Tim, Tim!” but whenever I did, something said, “Shhhhh….”

A couple of times, I managed to wake myself up enough to see that the room door was locked in the /actual/ bed I was sleeping in, and realizing that I was a couple levels deep in dreams, but still couldn’t move my physical body.

Eventually, I managed to struggle myself to full wakefulness and throw off the covers, and then I just laid there for a minute, trying to figure out if it was still a dream. Yanno how I decided? I checked facebook, and there was still nothing happening, but the ‘older’ posts after a couple of scrolls were the same. (Sad, hah.)

Once I knew it was real, this time, I got up and told Tim about it. I couldn’t tell him with a straight face, I just started crying. It was strange, though, because the core of the dream was really peaceful and wonderful, it was the struggle to wake back up that was disturbing. So, I’m not sure what the “Inception-like” dreams-within-dreams business was, but the part with my dad had Tim tearing up a little bit, too.

Analyze that, Dr. Freud…

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